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Why was the mathematician afraid to drive a car?
Because the width of the road was negligible compared to its length.
Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
Because they use sine and cosine to get a tan, and not the sun!
There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think in binary and those who can't.
There are 3 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can add, and those can't.
What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work. But the philosopher can do without the trash bin.
A mathematician was in Africa trying to capture a lion. When he spotted a lion, he built a fence around himself and said, "I define this to be outside!"
A mathematician came home drunk at 3am. His wife was very angry and said "You're late! You said that you'd be home by 11:45!". The mathematician replied "No I'm right on time. I said that I'd be home by a quarter of twelve."
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.
How can you tell if a mathematician is an extrovert?
When talking to you, he looks at your shoes instead of at his.
At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a calculator. According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network. He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
What did the mathematician say when he children misbehaved?
I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...
A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a donut.
Mathematicians never die - they only loose some of their functions.
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